Any movie scene, rewritten like a Michael Bay movie
October 18, 2023 5:57 AM   Subscribe

Any movie scene, rewritten like a Michael Bay movie
Needs More Boom is proof that sometimes you just need to do something stupid for no other reason than "because I can." Just type the scene, hit the 💥LFG💥 button, and see how much better if would have been if Bay had shot it.

Here's an excerpt from the Bay take on 'the end of titanic where jack and rose are in the water'

Back on the surface, Rose is pulled onto a lifeboat. She reaches out for Jack, but he's dragged under by a robotic shark.

"I'll never let go Jack, I promise."

Suddenly, an explosion from beneath. A triumphant Jack surfaces, standing on the defeated shark, now a makeshift surfboard. He's holding a detonator.

"I make my own luck."
Role: developer, writer
posted by missjenny (12 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
This project was posted to MetaFilter by ShooBoo on November 6, 2023: Any movie scene, rewritten like a Michael Bay movie

I asked it for the pre-credits sequence from the movie Up, and was not disappointed. This is glorious.
posted by bigbigdog at 10:13 AM on October 18, 2023 [1 favorite]

The camera follows the missile in a jaw-dropping, slow-motion shot (think Dolly zoom) as it spirals towards the enemy drones and impacts with a monstrous EXPLOSION.

The jet swerves away from the explosion, the heat and light flickering in Rick's sunglasses.

Rick turns to Ilsa, his expression intense and emotional.

"Here's looking at you, kid."

posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 6:50 PM on October 18, 2023 [1 favorite]

This is a whole lot of fun.

An alarm KLAXONS. RED LIGHTS flash. Jack Twist (JACK), a rugged cowboy, is hunched over a control panel, sweat dripping from his brow.

On a HUGE SCREEN, a MISSILE races towards a distant mountain range, the BROKEBACK MOUNTAINS.

Ennis Del Mar (ENNIS), a handsome, brooding cowboy, bursts in, panting.

Jack, we can't stop it!

Damn it, Ennis! I wish I could quit you!

Now's not the time, Jack!

posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 8:35 AM on October 19, 2023

I had it do The Lighthouse and the results were unhinged. A+
posted by forbiddencabinet at 11:25 PM on October 21, 2023

I asked it for the final scene of Brief Encounter. Here's an extract:

(voice trembling)
"I love you, Alec."

Alec nods, his gaze intense. Suddenly, he pulls Laura into a fiery kiss.

A slow-motion WHIP PAN reveals a TRAIN racing towards the station, sparks flying off its wheels, rain cascading off its hulking metal body.

Alec breaks the kiss, his eyes suddenly drawn to a DRONE flying overhead. It hovers before dropping a small package at their feet.

Alec picks it up, revealing a MISSILE TRACKING DEVICE.

"Laura, we need to go."

Laura nods, her eyes wide with fear. The couple sprint towards a parked Ferrari, jumping in just as the drone explodes above them.

posted by Paul Slade at 4:18 AM on October 22, 2023

What happens if you give an actual Michael Bay scene to tackle?
posted by Paul Slade at 4:19 AM on October 22, 2023

This is really fun and equally so whether I feed it an already intense action scene or a very quiet slow scene.

What happens if you give an actual Michael Bay scene to tackle?

The second thing I did was feed it a scene from The Rock. It got turned up to 12. There was a tsunami of sewer rats that got hit with a car chase and then exploded while being chased by helicopters - all underground. Cage and Connery made it out ok, you'll be happy to know.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 1:50 PM on October 23, 2023

It does more than just movie scenes btw :)

the instructions to assemble an ikea Kallax bookcase
directed by Michael Bay



SLOW MOTION as our HERO (30s, muscular, looks like he lifts more than flat pack furniture) strides into shot, IKEA Kallax bookcase flat pack under his muscular arm. A gust of wind inexplicably blows through the store.

This won't assemble itself.

EXTREME CLOSE UP on the IKEA instructions. A montage of diagrams, allen keys turning, pieces fitting together. It's intense.

Suddenly, a gust of wind blows away the instructions. The hero lunges after them, but they're sucked into a ventilation shaft.


The instructions flutter down the shaft. Suddenly, a small, robotic arm shoots out, grabbing them. The ROBOTS, transformed from IKEA furniture, scan the instructions.

Instructions acquired.


The robots burst through the front doors of IKEA, debris flying. Chasing after them, our Hero hops into a conveniently available yellow sportscar.


Ridiculous car chase ensues, the Hero driving like a maniac, the robots trying to lose him. The Hero, in the meantime, attempts to remember the IKEA instructions from memory.

Left panel... Two dowels...

Suddenly, the car flips, sending the Kallax bookcase flying through the air, slow motion. The hero jumps out of the car, catching the falling bookcase, right as the car explodes behind him.


The Hero lands, the KALLAX bookcase crashing into place perfectly assembled. The robots look on, stunned. The Hero smirks.

No instructions necessary.

Suddenly, the Kallax bookcase EXPLODES, taking out the robots in a massive fireball. The Hero walks away, not looking back at the explosion. The IKEA logo shimmers in the fiery glow.


posted by missjenny at 5:41 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]

Here's the beginning of its Book of Revelations rewrite. Seems a bit quieter than the Bible's version to be honest.



A roaring celestial orchestra THUNDERS as a colossal, crimson-hued DRAGON, with seven heads and ten horns, roars onto the screen.

Suddenly, beams of heavenly light pierce the clouds, and MICHAEL THE ARCHANGEL (50s, ruggedly handsome, drenched in sweat and charisma) descends, wielding a flaming sword that could put Excalibur to shame.

Dragon! Your reign of terror ends today!

The sky turns fiery as the celestial orchestra builds to a crescendo. The two titans charge at each other, clashing in a supernova EXPLOSION that ripples across the cosmos.



A WHIP PAN finds JOHN OF PATMOS (60s, wild-eyed prophet), his hand shaking as he scrawls the vision into a letter, his quill scratching over the parchment in time with the celestial music.

... and so on.
posted by Paul Slade at 5:51 AM on October 24, 2023

Here's part of its take on the Communist Manifesto:

Marx, now in a close up shot, delivers a powerful rally cry.

You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Suddenly, a giant robotic fist slams into Marx's bulldozer-bot. It's Capitalist Titan 1, in an even bigger, gold-plated transformer.

And you have everything to lose, Marx!
posted by Paul Slade at 5:56 AM on October 24, 2023

wow -- for some reason I find the recasting of Roman Polanski as a tall Asian man weirder than the sudden appearance of Bumblebee, but this is glorious.

A sleek, black sports car ROARS into view, coming to a halt in a cloud of dust. Out steps JAKE GITTES (Jack Nicholson), a hard-boiled private investigator, silhouetted against the pulsating neon lights of Chinatown.

Suddenly, a MYSTERIOUS FIGURE steps out from the shadows. He's tall, Asian, wearing a menacing grin and brandishing a SWITCHBLADE.

You're a very nosy fellow, kitty cat.

Gittes doesn’t flinch, his eyes never leaving the figure.

Can’t help it. It’s in my nature.

Suddenly, the man lunges at Gittes, slashing his nose. Blood SPURTS out in SLOW MOTION. The orchestral score SWELLS dramatically.

Gittes reels back, clutching his face, while the blade glints menacingly under the neon lights. The mysterious figure LAUGHS.

Suddenly, a drone shot reveals a line of BLACK SUVS speeding towards them, their headlights blinding. A hail of BULLETS rain down. The Piercing SOUND of GUNFIRE echoes through the alley.

The mysterious figure pulls out a MISSILE LAUNCHER, the back of his pants comically falling down to reveal colorful boxers. He fires at the SUVs, causing a MASSIVE EXPLOSION that sends cars flying.

Gittes, still clutching his bleeding nose, jumps into his sports car just as a flaming SUV flips over him. The car chase begins, the orchestral score now replaced by HEAVY METAL.

Gittes expertly maneuvers his car, driving through a FRUIT STAND, causing an EXPLOSION OF FRUIT. The mystery man fires another missile, but Gittes swerves, the missile hitting a FIRE HYDRANT instead. Water gushes up in a spectacular fountain.

Then, as if things weren't over the top already, a TRANSFORMER steps into the chaos. It's BUMBLEBEE, who lands in front of Gittes' car, causing him to screech to a halt.

Need a hand, Jake?

They team up, battling the mystery man together. Gittes, bleeding and breathless, manages to land a punch that sends the man sprawling into a heap of trash cans.

Suddenly, Bumblebee notices a ticking TIME BOMB in the trash. His eyes widen.

Jake, run!

Gittes dives into his car just as the bomb EXPLODES. He speeds away, the alley consumed in a ball of fire.

As he escapes, Bumblebee transforms back into a car and they drive into the night, leaving a trail of destruction behind them. The TRANSFORMERS THEME SONG plays as we FADE OUT.

posted by Shepherd at 9:05 AM on October 24, 2023

I asked for the boombox scene from "Say Anything" and even before the fireworks and swat team show up, it has this gem of a line:
Lloyd [Dobbler] stands in front of the house, holding the boombox over his head, a la John Cusack.

posted by muddgirl at 4:02 PM on October 24, 2023 [2 favorites]

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