Egress Methods
March 20, 2014 3:38 PM   Subscribe

Egress Methods
Paul Simon claimed that there must be fifty ways to leave your lover, but in his famous song he named far fewer than that. Egress Methods, a twitter bot, fulfills the promise that Mr. Simon could not—and then some—tweeting a randomly generated formula for lover-leaving every few hours, from now into eternity.

All tweets hew as closely possible to the rhythm and meter of the original song. For best results, sing the feed aloud as though it was a never-ending chorus. I hope someone finds this helpful.
Role: programmer
posted by aparrish (5 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
This project was posted to MetaFilter by feckless fecal fear mongering on March 22, 2014: Egress Methods

Huff an earned youth, Ruth

So many of these are impressively innuendo-friendly and thereby seem to suggest cheating to get out of the relationship! Not super ethical there, EgressMethods!
posted by ignignokt at 4:43 PM on March 20, 2014

You know, I always had trouble with that song. He only mentions five methods of egress in the original song.

- Drop off the key, Lee.

This makes a statement. Here is my key, I no longer need it. Your lover's state of being left is now made plane. Even if you wimp out an drop it off when your lover is not there, they will eventually get the message. As good as writing a note, and a lot less wordy.

- Slip out the back, Jack.
- Hop on the bus, Gus.

These two are a little more weak. I mean, eventually your lover will note your absence. Assuming you don't come back. He claims you don't need to discuss much, but this may leave your lover a bit confused. Better to be explicit. But at least these are methods of egress.

- Make a new plan, Stan.

Well, this isn't really a way to leave your lover so much as a first step in leaving your lover. I know people who make new plans all the time, but it's all in the execution.

- No need to be coy, Roy.

This isn't really a way to leave your lover, so much as advice to just tell them you're leaving. Maybe that counts. But it's my least favorite in the song.

Egress Methods ‏@egressmethods Mar 7
Spatter a squirt, Burt

I don't see how that could fail.

posted by jeffamaphone at 5:35 PM on March 20, 2014 [6 favorites]

Bob the blurred knee, Thuy

I love this so much I can't even explain.
posted by Quonab at 6:48 PM on March 20, 2014

Blob a stripped plague, Craig

I haven't a clue what that means, but I still love it.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:21 PM on March 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

Plague and Craig don't rhyme for me, ACCURSED DIALECT :(
posted by threeants at 7:26 PM on March 22, 2014

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