The How Not To Kill Your Baby Official Growth Chart Of Doom

March 28, 2012 9:56 AM

The How Not To Kill Your Baby Official Growth Chart Of Doom
Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? Then you might enjoy my new book How Not To Kill Your Baby, a parody of all those crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manuals. It comes complete with a poster-size detachable Growth Chart of Doom, which will tell you if your baby is big enough to survive an encounter with an angry capybara. For the story of why I decided to write the book, you can read my guest post at the New York Times Motherlode blog.

Oh, and if you'd prefer, here is a direct link to a PNG file of the poster.

Role: writer

posted by yankeefog (8 comments total)

This project was posted to MetaFilter by the young rope-rider on April 2, 2012: The How Not To Kill Your Baby Official Growth Chart Of Doom

I'm going to a baby shower on Sunday and this is perfect. They're a little deranged, and it's their first kid.
posted by mek at 1:47 AM on March 30, 2012

Mek, I hope they enjoy it! And tell them congratulations from me.
posted by yankeefog at 12:16 PM on April 1, 2012

Oh, and FYI, I've added a book reading to IRL.
posted by yankeefog at 12:39 PM on April 1, 2012

It was much appreciated!

Also, hilariously, the Chapters I bought it from had mis-shelved it under Parenting, instead of Humour.
posted by mek at 12:55 AM on April 2, 2012

SOLD!

(To all of my future pregnant friends. I've managed to Not Kill my own baby for a whole year now, so Not Killing Him has become a sort of habit.)
posted by sonika at 5:00 AM on April 2, 2012

Thanks, Mek. That's a great picture.

And, actually, if I had my way, ALL bookstores would shelve it under Parenting-- I like the idea of some beleaguered parent stumbling on it while looking for serious guidance!
posted by yankeefog at 12:21 PM on April 2, 2012

And thanks, Sonika! And congrats on surviving the first year. (You and baby both.)
posted by yankeefog at 12:21 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yet another thing to add to the list of reasons why my wife won't let us have kids right now. "Chris, kids are not a toy. You cannot have them so you can buy cool things to go with them."

I need more pregnant friends.
posted by theichibun at 6:02 AM on April 3, 2012