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A Christmas Boner: A Christmas Carol Remixed
December 18, 2013 2:22 PM   Subscribe

A Christmas Boner: A Christmas Carol Remixed
I took Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol and remixed it so that throughout the entire story, Scrooge has a boner. It’s juvenile and incredibly stupid, but I dare say parts of it turned out pretty damn funny. It’s available as a free eBook, and you can download it in MOBI (Kindle), ePub (everything else), or Word formats. Or you can just read the whole thing online.

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is one of our most beloved and well-known stories. This is mostly because it’s in the public domain, so you can remake it with Muppets or cartoon characters or a hollow-eyed motion capture Jim Carrey without paying anyone a dime. This latest adaptation puts a new twist on the classic holiday tale of redemption and generosity: Scrooge has a boner throughout the entire story. Pretty much everything else in the book is left untouched, except that Scrooge is constantly adjusting himself to try and conceal his erection, which never really works since everyone can totally tell what he’s trying to do.

A Christmas Boner is firmly (ha!) in the spirit of other classic novel reimaginings such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Huckleberry Finn Robotic Edition where you immediately get the premise and don’t actually need to read the whole thing. However, if you are a sixteen year old boy and are forced to read it for a book report, you may find it more fun to read the version that has the word ‘boner’ in it nearly four hundred times. In fact, you might just say that A Christmas Boner really puts the ‘dick’ in Dickens! (Do not say this.)
Role: author
posted by JoeGoblin (6 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
This project was posted to MetaFilter by yellowbinder on December 20, 2013: “My time, unlike your schlong, grows short."

Oh someone please put it on one of these
posted by exogenous at 12:16 PM on December 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I strongly endorse such a thing. Any dramatic readings, perhaps in front of a roaring fire, would be greatly appreciated too!
posted by JoeGoblin at 4:35 PM on December 19, 2013


Oh my goodness. Dying laughing. Going to have to come back and read it later... the kids are asking what I'm laughing about! And I am oh-so-tempted to try reading it aloud to the adults that will be here later - but I'm doubtful I could make it through the first few paragraphs without cracking up!
posted by stormyteal at 5:08 PM on December 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Glad you're enjoying it! As far as kids are concerned, they probably would find the Ghost of Christmas Past in the Muppet Christmas Carol even creepier than my version.
posted by JoeGoblin at 6:33 PM on December 19, 2013


Posted to MetaFilter by yellowbinder.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:30 PM on December 20, 2013


I keep on wanting to tell people about this, and then thinking twice about it. Just know that your boner-popping Scrooge is ever in my thoughts.
posted by redsparkler at 11:04 PM on January 24


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