Comments on: Velociraptor Roulette

Velociraptor Roulette

Plutor — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:06:21 -0800

After getting a random request with only those two words to go by, I've created a silly, pointless time waster. Spin the wheel for your chance to win a deadly dinosaur. You can't win if you don't play!

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 20:32:15 -0800

Interesting, but do you always win a Velociraptor or are there other prizes? Because I played a few times and lets just say I'm balls-deep in Velociraptors right now (this is not pleasant). If this horrible winning streak keeps up, I predict some kind of hyper-inflation on the Velociraptor futures market.

If all you win is an endless stream of Velociraptor mongoliensis after Velociraptor mongoliensis, as a suggestion it might be fun if you could 'win' other 'prizes'. Like perhaps you could win a Utahraptor and it'd be like "Oh, sorry dude, you won a Utahraptor. Try again!" Or it could say "Too bad, you won a Dilophosaurus" and some kind of loser sound would play in the background.

Fuck, I just won another Velociraptor. Oh shit! I think the ones I won earlier just managed to cut off the power to the electric fences around their pen! This isn't going to end we--

*signal lost*

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 20:53:43 -0800

Hey, whoa, OK, I'm back. I survived the initial raptor attack. I don't know where Ellie and Muldoon are though. I think they've gone to manually reset the circuit breakers at the utility shed.

Oh God, what has Hammond done? What has he done here? Why did he think he could play God? I tell you, after today I've totally decided not to endorse this park.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:00:16 -0800

OK, I've made it to the emergency bunkers. The power has been fully restored... Ellie did it! Malcolm and Hammond are here and Lex and Tim narrowly escaped two of the raptors in the kitchen. Lex has also finally been able to restore the park's computer systems in order to call Hammond to request a helicopter rescue for us.

Shit, fuck, what was that? Oh holy fuck no! Raptors are trying to break in! The electromagnetic locks aren't fully activated yet and Grant and Ellie are trying to hold them back but I don't like the look of this!

I just want to apologize to everyone's mom, and my mom. I am so sorry! Because it was my fault. I was the one who brought them here. I was the one that said "keep going south." I was the one who said that it was way too easy to win hundreds of Velociraptors with Plutors project and kept encouraging them to win more. It was my fault. I mean, it was Plutor's project and everything but it was my fault. I am so scared! I don't know what's out there. We are going to die out here! I am so scared!!!

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 04:02:31 -0800

Oh hai! Yeah, I'm OK. We survived after all, but it was tense. What ended up happening is that we managed to climb up into the ceiling crawlspace and after doing that we arrived at the Visitors Center skeleton display. The raptors pursued us but after a scuffle on top of the fossil exhibits where the raptors blocked our escape route, this motherfuckin' Tyrannosaurus suddenly appears and ate the Raptors! Can you believe that shit? If this were a movie you'd probably want to see it again.

Anyway, what this whole, horrible chapter has hopefully explained to you Plutor is that having an option to win something other than a Velociraptor would be neat, if you can do that somehow.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 07:54:55 -0800

Clever girl.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 08:07:04 -0800

What do you want to be able to win, a Muttaburrasaurus? Or a Sinosauropteryx? Don't tell me you want a Tuojiangosaurus!

Or do you mean that you never lose? That might just be luck (one way or the other), since I just tried it and won once and then lost once. You should lose slightly more than half of the time, like in non-dinosaur roulette.

By: cowbellemoo

cowbellemoo — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 09:15:21 -0800

This totally delivers on its promise.

By: bluishorange

bluishorange — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:38:10 -0800

I don't ever want to play non-dinosaur roulette again. It'd be so boring by comparison.

By: needs more cowbell

needs more cowbell — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 04:09:58 -0800

I just won a velociraptor after two tries, and I now feel validated as a person.

Thank you.

By: Pants!

Pants! — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:18:56 -0800

I thought I won a velociraptor with lightening tattoos, but no, I didn't.

By: rmless

rmless — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:00:46 -0800

I lost, but I got a very nice house in the suburbs, so thank you. That is probably worth less than a raptor in this economy though.

By: KAS

KAS — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 06:53:29 -0800

Please advise anticipated shipping date for my velociraptor. Tracking number if possible. Thx!
(p.s. I do not need the feet in the bathtub that I received as a consolation prize, please send those to someone else.)

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 07:54:34 -0800

This breaks in IE

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 08:15:53 -0800

Any chance I could win a baluchithere? How about a carcharodon?

By: Plutor

Plutor — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 08:31:08 -0800

Fixed the IE problem. It was caching the first result, so it would never "play again".

By: lpsguy

lpsguy — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:25:18 -0800

Maybe it's just me, but pushing Play crashes my browser (Safari) on my computer (Mac).

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 12:34:23 -0800

It's like I have my own private genie. What should I ask for next? Hey, I know - could you do something about getting that asshat Bush out of the Oval Office for me? Thanks!

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:11:50 -0800

"Fixed the IE problem. It was caching the first result, so it would never "play again"."
posted by Plutor at 2:31 AM on January 20

This likely explains my incredible Velociraptor winning streak up-thread.

Don't think I'm giving any of them back, though!

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 19:26:56 -0800

Not only did I get one of those velocipedes on my second try but I also got a girl in a library on my first try! Best game evar!!

By: Plutor

Plutor — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:31:45 -0800

Nine months later, and I finally figured out why the machine was breaking something like 10% of the time. Mark it up to Python newbness and Unicode super-newbness.

I take repairing my one-off web things very seriously.